T E A R S

It started when Samantha died.
She was learning how to swim, but by the looks of it, it was more of learning how to drown. She was just there, swimming, I was watching her, and then, there, ? she’s on the floor, people were crowding her and she was unconscious. I didn’t know what to do, I was just there, I didn’t do anything, I was so, weak.
When her funeral came, when she was cremated, I couldn’t even cry. It was like I died with her. I couldn’t understand what was happening, and I was just so… confused.
I stood there, I heard nothing but my breath and my heart beat, but I knew that Michael was crying, I knew that Mama and Papa were crying, heck, I knew that everybody was crying, but I heard nothing but me. And I still didn’t know what was happening. I’ve frozen.
Before I knew it, though, after months, tears were rolling down my cheeks, and I was sobbing. It finally kicked in. Although, still, I haven’t learned to live with her death. Sometimes, I wonder, why couldn’t I have just died with her.
They tried religion on me. It worked on Michael, but not me, I couldn’t grasp the concept of “God” anymore, it was so hard to believe that we have a gracious, merciful, and forgiving God. Samantha didn’t do anything wrong, sure, ? she steals my candy, gets into fights with Michael, and she can be a brat at times, but that’s no reason to take her away!
Mama and Papa were having trouble with their marriage. Perfect timing, just when Michael gets sick. They kept fighting, they kept blaming each other for Samantha’s death.
“Why did you have to leave her there?!” Mama banged her hand on the counter.
“Well, why did she have to have swimming lessons in the first place?!” Papa threw the pan on the floor. I could hear Michael start to cry.
It was scary, I never thought it would end up like this. We both cried, and they stopped, like nothing ever happened.
“I’ll go drive you to school” Mama picked up her keys, and we followed her to the car.